


Voltron: Despacito

by Mr_Hinadam_Wide



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Communism, Elections, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gen, Homophobia, M/M, Minecraft, Other, Reverse Racism, Russia, Thanos Racism, kleith hates russians and minorities
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 11:33:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Hinadam_Wide/pseuds/Mr_Hinadam_Wide
Summary: In the deep corners of the universe lies the Voltron Ship. Will our paladins survive their turmoils? Or will they sink into the depths of space? Find out next time on Voltron: Despacito





	1. Chapter 1

Shiro our woke white king was pokemon going to the polls because heres how bernie could still win........ but there at the farthest voting booth that doubled as a porta potty Shiro saw the sexiest little platypus tapeworm duck man he ever did see. He clipped through the floor in a t pose and then arose in front of him doing the thanos fortnite dance. 

"What are you doing" he signaled to him in fag. 

"Я - российский шпион, фальсифицирующий выборы" said Slav as he coughed up an owl pellet as he had recently eaten Keith's pet rat which had been infected with rabies. Shiro made sure to stealthily slip it into his pocket as he thought it would make a fun science project for the rest of his paladin children to dissect later. 

"Hey do you play minecraft" said Shiro. 

"Я использовал свою алмазную кирку, чтобы убить вашего сорокового президента" Slav answered. 

"Great then you can be my big tiddie minecraft gf" said Shiro. 

Later on the Voltron Ship............... ..... 

"This is your new dad," Shiro said to his many minecraft paladin children, including the canon kings, Klance. "He is very sexy and mines ores" 

"God what the fuck" said Allura as they all watched Slav choke back a whole raw quail, bones and all like a crocodile. 

"коммунизм" he said 

Kleith fell to the floor crying "pblease" he said. "dad you know how I fucking hate those commie reds" 

"Shup up" said shiro and grabbed all 15 of Slav's titties. Suddenly an alarm went off. 

"Holy shit theres a bomb here" said Hunk who was definitely not a cracker. 

"B " said Shiro. 

"Моя любовь, я должен признать кое-что тебе ... Я бомбил свой корабль, потому что я ненавижу белых людей" Slav said solemnly 

Shiro nodded "I understand" he said even though he literally didnt he had no idea qhat the fuck he was saying. They made out and it was the hottest thing any fujo had ever seen and then voltron blew up. 

To be continued?????????


	2. The Klance One

Cletus had sat down with Lunc to tell him something important. It was time that he finally knew he was half furry :(. He found Lance rapidly spinning in the air while t-posing. His velocity was increasing and he could not be stopped.

"Stop," said Keith to which Lance immediately froze in place midair. "Lunc, I have something to tell you...I'm actually... half thanos."

"T" said Lance

"Hanos" said Kleith and then they cried and made out yaoily.

"I'm squaking so you're like a cat?? Is that why there's been dead birds outside my room every night?" Lance asked.

"No, I have no idea what the fuck that's about," Kleith replied.

"Wait does this make me a furry?"

"No--"

"I'm a furry now."

"Stop--"

"I'm going to become god"

"NO--"

It was too late. Lance began glowing yellow like Super Sonic and darting around the Voltron ship at speeds upwards of 10 Gru's per second, which is very fast. He is not a slow man. "I'm a furry! I'm a furry!" he yelled. Suddenly he was smacked with such a powerful backhand that he stopped going super saiyan and flew into the wall.

"You WISH you were a furry," said Shiro our canon king standing above him. He was offended at Lance's appropriation of furry culture, being that Shiro was the one who was actually fucking a platypus like a man while Lunc was simply queerplatonically hugging some white dude who was half purple.

"I'm pissing Shiro blue lives matter," said Lunc in defense of his white boyfriend. 

"Galra are purple," Cletus corrected. 

"Whatever," said Lance. 

"I'm shaking it doesn't even matter, he's a cracker," Shiro screamed as he $gmagiked. 

"Dad I'm thanos please accept me," Kleith begged. "Even though I hate your communist duck boyfriend." 

"I'll always accept the t. Hanos part of you...but not the part.. that is white...I'm sorry," Shiro said, tears in his eyes. Cletus begane crying clipped through the floor like it was a Besthesda game as Lunc comforted him. "Reshare if you hate white people..." Shiro whispered to himself as he left the asexual scene. 

To be continued???????????????????????/


	3. Kleith Gets Kicked Out of Shiro's Wedding for Being Racist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kleith simply cannot cope with his father's love of thottery and begins slinging slurs :(

Shiro was drinking egg* like a thot, like the absolute gay slut he was, thank god

"ur gonna get salmonella" said hunk

"shup up iz my wedding :( im a fag :(" said shiro

"Fair!" said hunk

Meanwhile kleith was at the table with lance and hunk and allura and pidge he was so mad at his father for marrying a communist he knockled allura glass off the table like a cat

"What the fuck cracker" said Allura

Kleith hissed. "SLURS" he shouted

"WHAT" everyone said at once. Everyone fucking stopped moving and stared at Cletus and his slurs . What the hell

"Son what the fuck I told you dont ruin this day for me, im celebrating getting dicked down again" said Shiro gay and angry 

Slav was saying something communist in russian idk im drinking Ibdont want to use google translate rn

Little did they know, Kleith had plans... plans that woudl incldue , fortnite...

to be continued???????????????????????


End file.
